Women Of Destiny

Since the 40 Day Prayer and Fast has started, I seem to be more and more frustrated with myself. I just don't seem to get the hang of things and I feel like I'm lagging behind in school. Hoards of miserable feelings just come rushing in, leaving me no room to feel good about what I am doing or saying.
Something I don't want to feel :/
Recently, during band practices, I've found out that I have this locked-jaw syndrome. Everytime I run out of air, I will lock my jaw, and be unable to play anymore. It seriously affects my playing, and ugh, I am kinda getting irritated over this.
Maybe the factor leading most to my teenage misery is my parents. I really don't understand what they want me to do, or whatever. I feel like they are expecting waay too much from me, and I have no way of meeting up to their expectations. I think I am past the stage of feeling angry with them, I guess I'm just feeling weird and out of sorts now. It doesn't make sense, this way I'm feeling, but I do guess that we will need God's help to pull us through. Last night, before I went to sleep, I asked my dad really nicely about why they were disallowing me from going for the Poetry Slam Workshop. And guess what dear old dad did, he laughed, shrugged it off, and told me to think for myself. What he did was probably not meant to hurt me, but in any case, it still did. Maybe it was that feeling of him totally ignoring me, and treating me like a retard, or it could also be that feeling of being snubbed and not having him answer me. I really want to go for this Poetry Slam Workshop (even though it coincides with Ps Serene meeting up with the rest of us). I feel that they are holding me back all the time, without giving me the room or space to think. Gahh, nevermind, pray.
Okay, gotten my solution. Shall pray and die trying to let parents allow me to go for the Poetry Slam Workshop/Competition. AHHH OMG I WANT TO GOOOO.