Women Of Destiny

my friend told me that i've been very guyish lately. really.

she said i was too insensitive to notice all her hints about a certain matter. and no, it's absolutely nothing scandalous. i mean, i have always been considered the most guyish among certain friends. maybe it's my wide shoulders, my tendency not to pay attention in class or my irresponsible and lazy streak that girls always assume guys have. not true man. totally not true.

i mean, there are many guys who are emotionally sensitive, extremely hardworking and responsible and conscienctious. then why can't a girl be exactly the opposite? lay off the sterotyping please. i can understand when the school auntie always used to call me AH BOY, WHAT YOU WANT before correcting herself, but i mean, i like being this way.

i know i'm childish, but i find it tiring to be a perfectionist in everything, even in the things i dislike, or any other femenine virtue like being neat. not a hobby of mine. don't get me wrong- i love being female, and i'm neither crooked nor do i wish to change my sex or anthing absurd like that. does growing up mean that i'll have to be the prim lady in stiff blazers, or the perfect housewife in the future or something?

i suppose peter pan never thought that wendy didn't want to grow up because she would have to turn into a pile of make up and underwear with big fat load of rules to follow. no no, i feel that moral values, principles etc. must be learnt and appiled. but can i break the rules once in a while, lose a little more interest in studies and loosen up? be a kid, just relieve myself of having to smile to all difficult team members and be the peace maker all the time. or for a minute, lie down and enjoy having a blank mind. i've tried to get girly, neat handwriting like yali. i've tried to be high achievers like them-they got gold, i'll get silver. be elegant, posied, careful and feminine. i'm blur, clumsy and my legs always fall open as much as i try to keep them closed(but they are closed in church, i think). it never ends. i know it's not all mature and godly, for we need to do our best for god all the time right?

certain times i just adore being a kid. no worries, no conflicts, believing in silly, innocent dreams, believing that the uncle really just wants nothing else but to bring you upstairs to give you a sweet. beliveing that friendships last forever, that deaths are too far away too think about, and there's always someone to carry the weight of your world along with you.

so i just have one question. can a girl be like a 'sterotyped' guy for once, and not bother about her looks so much, her grades so much, not bother about how many boyfriends others have, wear huge t shirts to not bother about her fat? can a christian find rest from trying to be perfect all the time for pre believers to see? because the more i seem to try,it doesn't get much better.

love, brenda
and this is NOT an emo post (:

this year is a sabbath year (:
today was a sunday ( yea, past midnight ), in the morning, i wanted to study for my maths. yes, im mugging hard D: but i suddenly thought of something. "ehhhh, today is a sunday. i thought it's suppose to be a rest day?" and i was not thinking about slacking ! (: but i remembered during our cell retreat, and in the morning, for quite time, she asked us to read..exodus 20:1-20. the Ten commandments (: and one of them was,

8 "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. 11 For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

SEE :D yea.. (: so, we're suppose to rest on the sunday and attend service (: heh.

so no matter how busy and how little time left u have to complete it, on a sunday, u just have to stop everything and that day is only for God (: so leave it special ! :D

♥ Ellyn

Tada!!! Finally got the go-ahead to introduce you pplz to EJ's cell blog.

He writes really well & has great sharings. His boys adds in loads of fun & laughter to spice up the blog too. (proof -> check out the pic)

I would like to start off by sharing this cool series of "Give your best pose using One to Ten" just click on http://beyondexpodoors.blogspot.com
to check out model of the day -> Mr Front
*Being a cyberwellness ambassador I cannot write down his real name so let's juz keep it to Mr Front. Btw I chose this pic cuz it's my fave!

Luv Cynthia

Okay, I know I have never posted here despite the long long time that this blog has been up. But I've been regularly reading the cell blog So, I guess it was after reading all your posts for so long that has finally got me round to be a more active participator here, :}

Anyway, this past few weeks has been extremely hectic and stressful for me, with the performances spanned over consecutive days over the next few weeks, Dance trainings is in full force and had started as early as the holidays, 9-5 everyday for two weeks, on top of that there was deadlines to meet homework to finish and school was starting, as much as I hoped that I would for once have a more peaceful holiday, that time never came around.

And among all this hustle of life, yet there are times where emptiness seem to have just washed over me. Some of you may have felt this way ? But, its during those moments that it feels like nothing is really worth it anymore, even God doesnt seem to be there. And then, just yesterday a certain incident got me thinking, what's with all the things that we busy ourselves with ? What's with all the excuses that we give to God for not making enough time for him ?

Yesterday, I was feeling particularly tired and unmotivated. The first week of school was hardly even over, and dance practices plus desperately trying to start the first week of school off right was starting to take its toll on me, and I could already feel myself wearing out. Whatever it was, I went for dance trainings later that day. Feeling exceptionally moody already, Training was no help at all. Our Choreo was not completed and our shows were on next week already, that aside, Right from the start the juniors had really bad attitudes, no sense of urgency, and they had hardly even know their steps. Still, they refused to put in any effort to practice, and any free time they get they sit down and chat. Even our trainer was starting to feel very annoyed, yet the unsensitive juniors were totally oblivious to this. What made it worse, was that seniors + trainers + Teachers have sat them down and talk to them nicely about this matter, how it concerns the reputation of our group etc. Three times already, and still the second last practice and they were still having the same bad attitude and laziness.
Seniors then felt very pressurised and stressed, because whatever that they were lacking in, we had to compensate for it in the way we dance. In other words, we had to put in thrice the efforts.

I told myself, that whatever it was, it didnt matter if they didnt give a two cents worth about anything, it didnt matter if they refused to put in effort, it didnt matter at all, because those who were willing to work hard would make up for it. Every practice, I told myself that over and over, everytime I felt frustrated I told myself that. But yesterday, as much as I tried to beleive in that, It seemed almost absurd. As I danced through that same dance countless times, as I tried so hard to get everything right, As I tried so hard to tell myself that everything would be okay, I felt horrible, because Something kept telling me that it wont. That day, I dance to a point where I dissolved into tears, That day, I danced on emotion and rhythm and not on the restrictions on proper techniques. Because, I felt that everything had come to a point where I just felt as if it was all out of control, emotions piled high, I never realised that there was a limit to how much one could actually feel.

As friends crowded around me, taken aback by the sudden breakdown, questions were strewn at me. But their words flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup, they slither while they pass, I took notice of none. A sinking feeling in my heart, that I really could not fanthom. I didnt know what to say, or even how to translate the emotions that I was feeling all at once. It was after that, as I talked about things with a friend of mine, that she said something that struck me. " Dont worry, God will take care of this. "

And then I went home, I thought about it. God will take care of this ? I have hardly ever made time for God, I have gave God countless excuses why I forget to talk to him, I have used God at times only when I feel that I really need him. And, Umpteen times I have placed God not as my number one priority, and here I am to beleive that God will take care of all this. it was then, that I remembered what I had once heard, God is always there, its your choice on whether you would like to come to him or not. It suddenly dawn upon me that, all the excuses that I gave, that I was busy with school, dance and whatnot, they were all just nothing but mere untrue things that I tell God, in order to make me feel less guilty. Because, If I was busy then I would have no time to talk to him and spend time with him. It plagues me somewhere in my heart, never ending and it never ceases.Something would always question me over and over, like a broken old tape recorder, " why am I unable to trust in him as readily that I would like to? "

And then, as I try to answer my own questions, I realise something. It is not that we are busy, we say that we are busy in order to have something so that we'll feel less guilty, Its not that God takes note of every wrong thing we do and slowly distant himself away from us becuase with every sin that he takes note of, he finds out the more sinful we all are. It is more of the fact that, we think we are unworthy, and we think that we have done so much wrong, that even we are disgusted at ourselves, so how can God actually be able to love sinners like us ? But we often forget that, he is always here for us no matter how horrible we are feeling, when we hurt, he's feeling even more hurt. If not, why would he even have died for us in the first place ? [: I dont know about any of you, But I have found myself asking myself this many times, And I would always remember one incident where a friend told me that no matter what we do, even if we turn away from him, God will always be there ready for us to go back to him. So, whoever's feeling discouraged / sad / unmotivated etc. wouldn't it be nice to take comfort in the fact that God would always be there ? 8)

Love,
Cherish

P/s: Sorry, I know my thoughts and everything are very messy, I scored badly in writing !

HAHA, nice?

as much as i am hyped up for sunday, i don't feel all godly today. sadly. i'm feeling really mixed now.

i mean, all the tests are raining down, and competition's nearing. we're so not prepared. i mean, if we don't get gold, they'll say the exco of 08 to 09 is useless, and we can't do anything about it. i'm just so scared. but as comfort, i'll recall what fear had done to me.

my cousin jasper(his other name, for privacy purposes if he happens to stumble here)and i were quite alright as childhood friends. in the past, i always considered him inferior to me because he would kick and scream when asked to bathe and somehow nearly be strangled while playing with the curtain strings. well i am defintely more sensible than that, i reasoned.
things got different when my aunt got breast cancer. i don't recall much during this period, but it got difficult to talk to him. my first sentence couldn't be "how is the hospital treating her?" or something. she eventually got better, but then a bombshell hit.

she died. the cancer cells had somehow spread and she had passed away. this turned everyone's world upside down. in two years his maturity shot though twenty mental years or so. other guys would be dunking each other's heads in the water, but jasper would have been playing with the younger, lonely kids. i became the unwise, the small and irresponsible.it was horrible during chinese new years, having to face the awkward situation. something unusual happened when i went for my niece's one month instead.
we were in a room with all the other cousins, when in an attempt to break the ice, he sheepishly asked me if i was still a workaholic.

"what workaholic? i've never been one!" i scoffed, bemused.

"no, last year you brought your textbook to study during po po's birthday dinner remember?" he frowned. he was talking about when i was about to have my big exam and i hadn't studied enough. i laughed at the stupid thought and denied it. before it could quickly returned to that weird silence again, i began to clean up all the dirty plates.
"what are you doing? oh no no, i'll do that for you!" he rushed over.
"it's ok, i can..."
"no no, you're a guest here, you shouldn't do anything." with a smile, he turned and left. as much as it was ordinary, it made me think.

we were family, and this action was a huge contrast to the 'get the coke yourself, make yourself at home' rule. it made me almost feel as if we were strangers to each other. and he might have even thought i was the more hardworking and better cousin. then it hit me. my fear and itimidation had created a barrier for donkey years, and prevented our family ties from growing stronger. wasn't that stupid of us? it was terribly ironic. after that i made an effort to know all my cousins, and we had a great time during new year.

but my point to myself and everyone is, fear can create barriers. not for safety, but of blessings. in my case, it'll prevent myself from doing my best. has fear been holding you back from your dream to be a singer, a desginer, a teacher or even a preacher? so we should all pray about it. (:

till sunday,
brenda

I must say, that I do my best work in the toilet (my toilet, that is!) As I was sipping Vitagen and shitting, I was just thinking back to when I was young. Remember how when you were young, you always had a bolster, soft toy or pillow to hug and bring around? I, at least, had one. I had this special bolster which I named "Bobo".

ok, it's offical. the cell blog is my new favourite site! haha. it's so touching to see how everyone bonded so much and etc. and finally ellyn and priscilla blog! and they're so good at it! DO IT MORE OFTEN XD

priscilla! oh gosh i SO NEED sax practice MANNN. and i keep thinking of more cheers for yali. i really can't over it! haha. get well soon ok, and no milk for now! it encourages diharroea(if that's how you spell it)

ellyn!! you posted dude! haha. one day we should go shopping or something(random thought!) haha yeah, we should tell cynthia it's INTERDEPENDENCE now ;D jiayou for your math, you can do it!

oh and what i really wanted to say now. hmm.i've been extremely fearful all week long. fearful of all the band stuff popping up, about responsibiltes and studies. my instrument got spoilt,competition is in 2 weeks and i just HAD to take part. i was freaking out. i kept praying that it'll be ok. also, today i slept at 1.30. my knees were quaking at the thought of sleeping in math class.

my teacher would rip my head off. but my mom's blessing of 'may god bless you with extraordinary energy' was miraculous. i was awake throughout and my instrument even got fixed! seriously. previously a week of 5 hours of sleep a day literally made me see double images of my teacher and even my dreams. like my short dream of joanne and i buying soya sauce while tavelling to the botanical gardens for the AMAZING RACE (;
my point is, i realised that i had real little faith. i admit, i was surprised. it feels great to know that god is so real. even when things don't seem all that right, i feel a weeny bit better to know that it's still within His control

till sunday we will dance in the freedom we know,(hint hint)
brenda

Priscilla here, is sick. Thus, I have the time to blog :D Janelle and I just finished camp yesterday. Camp was funfunfun :D I got another tan line. OMG FAINTTTTTT. WHY! I hate having tan lines everywhere! I've food poisoning! SO I POOP A LOT NOW D:
Thinking back to about, 2 weeks ago, I believe that now we have formed friendships (note how I didn't use relationships) with guys. This is a grudging comment, but I must say, that guys are not as bad as I thought. I always thought guys were some sick creatures, thinking about farting all the time and such, but well, I was proved wrong. Which is good (: Haha, but guys are seriously competitive. Unlike girls, who just scream and have a good time! (:
Basically, I just came to the blog to talk about how everything seems rather hectic now, I guess. With so many commitments, band practice, homework waiting to be done, violin waiting to be practised, piano waiting to be practised, and even saxophone waiting to be practised, there's hardly even room to breathe, much less go to God and sit down for a really good talk, telling him about everything that has happened in the day.
When I was at camp, before I went to sleep every night, or rather, when I was tossing and turning, swatting buzzing mosquitoes, I was just using that time to talk to God, and tell him about what happened. No idea why, but suddenly I just got the feeling that I didn't want to sit down and talk to God because I was forced to, but because I wanted to. (OMG SEE I'VE BEEN DOING MY APPLICATION)
A sudden jolt, and awakening. (Wanted to add the word 'amazing', but decided it may be a little cliche, heh.) With all the recent problems, activites, stress and whatsoever from school, church, or home, I believe God is the solution to all the problems, and even if nothing happens, it's nice to let go on someone else and just let Him carry your "weight of the world" on His shoulders for a short nice while (:
YAYYYYYYY :D
Now I've come to the end of my long naggy post, and I need to go shit. Blame the food poisoning D:<
I am going to tell God how it feels to shit so much, and have my stomach hurting like crazy. Anyone up to hearing the shit review? (:

Till Sunday,
Pris

im dying D:
do u believe it? *no* LOL.
as u all know, i have been slacking for the past 6 months in school. and except from going to school for my friends, duties (and yes scolding people too xD) i have not really been studying hard. and due to that, i failed my maths. and science. and d&t? history. blarblarblar. haha! but overall, i just failed maths.

the bad news is..i havent been listening at all since the start of the year for maths. so nothing is in my brain. and yes, i have to study super super hard now! D: to keep up with the class. that sucks okay? but given my i-dun-care attitude, i dun care much about it. xD but for some reason, this few days, i have been study. (maybe i just started from yesterday xD i think i did xD)

and yes, im under stress.. *sheet* hehe, let me describe my type of stress. LOL. it's like when i cannot solve the question, or i just dun understand wad the nugget their talking about, i'll just cry for no reason o.o sounds stupid eh? haha. maybe im just suffering from depression or some retarded illness. HAHA. as u noe, im kinda retarded. LOL. kidding~

maybe God's trying to ask me to study hard.. hmm..maybe! :D den i'll receive enlightenment and all those stuffs (: which would be damn cool. hehehe..

actually u noe why am i posting at 12.42am when tmr im suppose to go to school? cos im bored -.- haha! im as lame as ever D: lol.

BRENDA!! :D i really agree with ur post luh! oh my mama, i just missed all those times we spent together in the cell retreat. the fun, laughter and all those stupid things that i told which were actually so lame. hehe. maybe we should have this kinda stuffs instead of cell :D haha! exercise u noe ~ hehe..

now, the government is advertising a healthy country mah! :D (i think) HAHAHA. i think im very high now. before i go on and on about useless stuffs xD (hmm..maybe im retarded due to stress xD as in very high at times LOL im getting lamer)

ELLYN ♥

i just LOVE it when i come to the blog and it'd filled with the cell retreat photos. it's like it really impacted all of us. but my bottom line is, let's HAVE MORE. we should have the amazing race part 2! and then more captain ball showdowns. priscilla and i will be ready with cheerleader gear for darling YALI.ahhaaha. it makes me so excited for church every week. *shiver*
anyhow, school has been full of ups and downs, but i really miss church. anyhow, i was wondering.
a few days ago i was writing some rubbish for my chinese. i was elaborating on how we should learn to cope with stress, and somehow it came out as 'we need to understand how to reain peaceful and calm in troubled times..' and then i stopped short.
didn't that mean the sabbath? but this year wasn't really all sabbath-like for me, and it's nearly half gone. hmmm. but now thinking about it, i'm not going to watse it all. and i think i found my sanctuary already.
yup, and i hope it will always stay that way. oh and one more thing. why don't we have our own retro countdown party this year end with everyone from the cell retreat or something? or maybe even more for being merry, just to have a change from the church's one. we can dance to our own hillsong cds (:
stuck in the amazing race,
brenda

hehe, yea (: i bet this is the first time u see me posting xD haha. yea...i enjoyed myself alot thats for sure. except the company of the insects and all the other rubbish. haha. okay, im so lame. xD.

ELLYN ♥

Yesterday night, i was going to sleep early, with the rest of my family members, so that i can be in my top form for today's paper! (Which didnt went well......)

I love this video! The gals didn't know I was videoing so they were posing for the camera. That's the 1st shock. 2nd shock is the FIRE really burning up!!!! Ahh!!!

Hies here's the slideshow for the Amazing Race! Enjoys! Thanks for being such great fun everyone. I really really enjoyed myself! Truly this is the season of INTERDEPENDENCE!

Michelle Kwan is an American figure skater. She has won nine U.S. championships, five World Championships, and two Olympic medals. She has remained competitive for over a decade and is the most decorated figure skater in U.S. history.

Man this has been delayed & delayed for the..... VERY LAST TIME! :) yea!
3 key areas that I would like to thank God for! He is indeed the ONE who gave & is able to give victories indeed!
*Lead 3 to Christ in 2007
First is in the area of personal growth. I'm always inspired by how pastor Serene evangelize to everyone around her & I wish to cultivate the same habit of testifying & sharing Christ too. Though I didn't mangaged to lead 3 people to Christ but through obeying our church's corporate call I bless over 20 people (lost count of exact number) during the 100K Blessing. Amongst these are my relatives, my good friends, strangers, neighbours, my mom & my grandma!
*Family Salvation in 2007
Hmmm, didn't hit this as well. But I'm totally awed how I got to bless family & relatives through the 100K Blessing. I'm not really close to my relatives as we only see each other once or twice a year. But things have improved since & I'm asking God for greater breakthoughs beyond 2007. Oh ya, God answered my mom's prayer as well so ya la she definitely know God can answer prayers! hehehe. (It's sorta kill two birds with one stone cuz it's linked to my final area) And God also provided my whole family to visit Australia together last year. My family hasn't gone for a trip together like more than fifteen years ago so it's definitely a precious time together. It's less stressful than I imagined & we really had fun & good family time!

*Attached in 2007
Yes yes, my mom's prayer request during the 100K Blessing is that we can find our boyfriends & girlfriends. Since then my brother & I have officially started seeing someone! I know many people including all you precious little gals have been worried & praying hard for me. Thank you dearies & thank GOD!!! hahaha! I've got an extra special from God in the form of Mr EJ through your persevering prayers! :) He's a great guy & I really experience double the joy & halved the sorrows (can share with EJ mah so halved the sorrows). So gals pray hard, declare & wait for God's perfect timing. He gives us the BEST!!!







Sometimes we may be all caught up & discouraged by sad/depressing situations around us. But hey, Let me give you two tips.
1) CHOOSE TO GIVE THANKS! Remember that God is good & He loves you! As we give thanks we are reminded of God's goodness and we negate the negative thoughts which Satan is trying to plant into our mind to discourage us.
2) WITH THE END IN MIND! Remember 2007 theme verse.. God will eventually give you the victory! May you take heart in the time of moulding & refining through the adversities of life. Knowing that you'll emerged stronger & better!
2 Corinthians 2:14But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him.

Luv Cynthia