Women Of Destiny

cynthia's post is really disturbing me. it shouldn't be. i mean real christians shouldn't be scared, they should be celebrating that god is returning. oh boyy.

i'm stressing here. if i don't buck up, hell is a great possibility. i mean, for eternity. we always use it as and without realising it's real meaning. when you think about, the word is as impactful as the word rape. gah. that word makes my heart stop.

anyway, the easiest way to understand it as i figured out is to imagine one typical day. the day will just repeat itself, over and over again. for a week, a year, a century, a millenium, forever. you just keep going. sleep to wake up, wake up to sleep. that's if you have a good life. in hell, you receive world war 2 torture or worse everyday. non-stop. no break, no light,no companions. far worse than the jews. i heard that they totured one man/woman by grabbing him/her by the fours and banging his/her head against the wall until they died. having that everyday, but not dying. you can't; you've already died in hell. that redefines scary.

i'm not that good at explaining, but i hope you understand. i have more gory ideas of what my hell will be like but i know even i can't sleep after that.
but i can recall my dream of when god returned.

there were hurricanes everywhere, people announcing 'god is coming!'.
'god is coming' my mother said solemnly. she was all ready, all prepared. i felt surreal.
i'm going to die, i'm going to die.i can't die, there are so many things i haven't done. i went hysterical. running in the streets, i grabbed people's hands and begged, blabbered in utter panic.

"please believe in god!" i could even remember the girl's face. she was my classmate, the type supposedly the easiest to reach out to. why didn't i ask her before?
"why should i?" she looked at me, recoiling at my agressive manner.
"you don't understand! i'm going to die! please, please, believe, god is coming." i was desperate. maybe if i saved more people god will just allow me into his kingdom. as i pleaded an impending hurricane drew closer. it was about to suck me into hell.

i couldn't recall what happened after that. i think i woke up after that, but i couldn't breathe. it was horrifying. it was so real.

did you ever feel like two people sometimes?
i always do. the side that longs to lose weight,get great grades, beat everyone in any position in any type of silent competition, be surrounded with friends, have a perfect life, perfect personality, perfect looks. people so afraid of rejection, so reluctant to work, so terrified of not meeting their own expectations of everything.

the other side who staunchly believes in inner beauty, that hard work will reward itself, rather to have true friends than friends in quantity, the one who'd rather obey than to search for worldly obession. sadly this side almost never shows.
it's tough, but we have to decide. who do we want to be? face it, we can change in a blink of an eye sometimes. just that some of us can do it quicker and more often. no one wants to end up like me, begging for people to believe on the streets.

so what can we do to earn a passport to heaven? i suppose we have to obey. truthfully i have no idea, but we're all still learning after all.

love
brenda