Women Of Destiny

my friend told me that i've been very guyish lately. really.

she said i was too insensitive to notice all her hints about a certain matter. and no, it's absolutely nothing scandalous. i mean, i have always been considered the most guyish among certain friends. maybe it's my wide shoulders, my tendency not to pay attention in class or my irresponsible and lazy streak that girls always assume guys have. not true man. totally not true.

i mean, there are many guys who are emotionally sensitive, extremely hardworking and responsible and conscienctious. then why can't a girl be exactly the opposite? lay off the sterotyping please. i can understand when the school auntie always used to call me AH BOY, WHAT YOU WANT before correcting herself, but i mean, i like being this way.

i know i'm childish, but i find it tiring to be a perfectionist in everything, even in the things i dislike, or any other femenine virtue like being neat. not a hobby of mine. don't get me wrong- i love being female, and i'm neither crooked nor do i wish to change my sex or anthing absurd like that. does growing up mean that i'll have to be the prim lady in stiff blazers, or the perfect housewife in the future or something?

i suppose peter pan never thought that wendy didn't want to grow up because she would have to turn into a pile of make up and underwear with big fat load of rules to follow. no no, i feel that moral values, principles etc. must be learnt and appiled. but can i break the rules once in a while, lose a little more interest in studies and loosen up? be a kid, just relieve myself of having to smile to all difficult team members and be the peace maker all the time. or for a minute, lie down and enjoy having a blank mind. i've tried to get girly, neat handwriting like yali. i've tried to be high achievers like them-they got gold, i'll get silver. be elegant, posied, careful and feminine. i'm blur, clumsy and my legs always fall open as much as i try to keep them closed(but they are closed in church, i think). it never ends. i know it's not all mature and godly, for we need to do our best for god all the time right?

certain times i just adore being a kid. no worries, no conflicts, believing in silly, innocent dreams, believing that the uncle really just wants nothing else but to bring you upstairs to give you a sweet. beliveing that friendships last forever, that deaths are too far away too think about, and there's always someone to carry the weight of your world along with you.

so i just have one question. can a girl be like a 'sterotyped' guy for once, and not bother about her looks so much, her grades so much, not bother about how many boyfriends others have, wear huge t shirts to not bother about her fat? can a christian find rest from trying to be perfect all the time for pre believers to see? because the more i seem to try,it doesn't get much better.

love, brenda
and this is NOT an emo post (: