Women Of Destiny

alright, i'm taking time off my studying schedule to do this post. but you can keep a secret i trust!


i won't deny that this week was absolutely hetic and horrid rubbish. still, i plan to makE this into a psalm format, where it begins all pensive and emo but ends positively.


well, i was pleasantly surprised at the devotion and the sermon topics. you see, my closest friends have been really nasty and hurtful to me all week. to avoid having more bitterness towards them, i shall not elaborate. but anyhow, it cut really deep into me, especially when they were all pre believers so i couldn't react negatively in case they question 'what kind of christian are you?'well, today the topic was about reconciling for the sermon and facing difficult times for the devotion booklet. i suppose i really have to start trusting god with this, for i have been feeling that lately, i have been influenced from all my pre believing friends(which means all but one actually.) also, i'm thinking of apologising to that friend of mine who hurled insults at me. i didn't react in the most postive manner, and even though i feel that it's not really my fault, i should still apologise. i just have to submit this hurt to the lord, as much as it pains me to do so.

secondly, i remember discussing with my best friend (she's a christian! thank god!) about how our lives had suddenly becoming so meaningless. alright, it's incredibly emo, i know. but try going through my week with a body that has 5-6 hours of sleep everyday and you'll comprehend. we promised each other that we would try our best and reconcile with god, for as everyone says, the end days are here, and i feel such intense fear even till now. obviously i'm not ready. well, both the sermon and the devotion talked about "teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom". it helped a bit, and i'm confident it'll help a lot more for the next week the more i keep it in my heart.


this would be a little off track, but lately something has been irking me lately. don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to accuse anyone here. recently many people have been ranting about their exciting love lives in my school.

'oh, did you hear? XXX got a boyfriend in our class!'

'YYY that prefect has A BOYFRIEND IN VS MAN"

'i'm meeting that shuai ge from XYZ school today! oh my *** he's so hot! i'm so happy!'

then again, let me clarify. i don't hate all these people. neither do i dislike hearing about that part of their lives for it's really quite interesting. they are my good friends even. but it just makes me rather annoyed to some extent for I'M BOMBARDED BY IT. jealously, envy, whatever you can choose to call it, for i'm not too sure myself. i mean even in a girls' school! oh gosh! I KNOW, I KNOW ALREADY. even if no one fancies me i'm fine, until i hear such things. not that it's the guys fault for falling for my sweet and attractive friends, but you get the point! what do you do when you date anyway. after all the movies, romantic walks and dinners, flaunting each other at family gatherings and chinese new year- you can't get married at this age. so i always tell myself-it's ok. now all i need is to focus on my studies and god. nothing else. still, i wish i could have a christian friend to help me throughout this in school. i'm getting rather disgusted with what my friends are doing now.


so, all in all, despite the fact that i'm clearly distressed, i'm still counting on god for guidance to become a happy snowman