Women Of Destiny

my friend told me that i've been very guyish lately. really.

she said i was too insensitive to notice all her hints about a certain matter. and no, it's absolutely nothing scandalous. i mean, i have always been considered the most guyish among certain friends. maybe it's my wide shoulders, my tendency not to pay attention in class or my irresponsible and lazy streak that girls always assume guys have. not true man. totally not true.

i mean, there are many guys who are emotionally sensitive, extremely hardworking and responsible and conscienctious. then why can't a girl be exactly the opposite? lay off the sterotyping please. i can understand when the school auntie always used to call me AH BOY, WHAT YOU WANT before correcting herself, but i mean, i like being this way.

i know i'm childish, but i find it tiring to be a perfectionist in everything, even in the things i dislike, or any other femenine virtue like being neat. not a hobby of mine. don't get me wrong- i love being female, and i'm neither crooked nor do i wish to change my sex or anthing absurd like that. does growing up mean that i'll have to be the prim lady in stiff blazers, or the perfect housewife in the future or something?

i suppose peter pan never thought that wendy didn't want to grow up because she would have to turn into a pile of make up and underwear with big fat load of rules to follow. no no, i feel that moral values, principles etc. must be learnt and appiled. but can i break the rules once in a while, lose a little more interest in studies and loosen up? be a kid, just relieve myself of having to smile to all difficult team members and be the peace maker all the time. or for a minute, lie down and enjoy having a blank mind. i've tried to get girly, neat handwriting like yali. i've tried to be high achievers like them-they got gold, i'll get silver. be elegant, posied, careful and feminine. i'm blur, clumsy and my legs always fall open as much as i try to keep them closed(but they are closed in church, i think). it never ends. i know it's not all mature and godly, for we need to do our best for god all the time right?

certain times i just adore being a kid. no worries, no conflicts, believing in silly, innocent dreams, believing that the uncle really just wants nothing else but to bring you upstairs to give you a sweet. beliveing that friendships last forever, that deaths are too far away too think about, and there's always someone to carry the weight of your world along with you.

so i just have one question. can a girl be like a 'sterotyped' guy for once, and not bother about her looks so much, her grades so much, not bother about how many boyfriends others have, wear huge t shirts to not bother about her fat? can a christian find rest from trying to be perfect all the time for pre believers to see? because the more i seem to try,it doesn't get much better.

love, brenda
and this is NOT an emo post (:

"Sian, except for 1 subject, you beat me to the rest of the others." My friend, JH, said glumly.

Had a pretty tiring week so far.

Ever since my injury on Monday, i've been limping painfully every where i go.

Being someone who wants everything to be fast and efficient, i get really frustrated with myself when i find myself overtaken by practically everyone and not getting to places as fast as i used to.

Also, having been to the sinseh, i knew how serious my injury is and that i really should not put too much pressure on it. BUT I'M REALLY REALLY ANXIOUS FOR IT TO HEAL IN 2 WEEKS TIME, just in time for my 3rd match. (I missed the 2nd one, and no way am i going to miss the 3rd one.) And i simply cant stand my snail pace. Oh, took this picture while i was watching the match i couldnt play, though i very much wanted to =( -->>>>>

And yes, i understand how sometimes when a person hurt him/herself, people will naturally be showering more care and concern for him/her. But maybe im just not a big fan of having special attention. Its not as if i'm paralysed! *Touchwood*

This friend of mine, lets call her A, said she wanted to go home with me. Another friend, B, was with me as we are heading the same direction. When i asked A why she would want to go home with me because its just not very convenient for her to do so, A replied, "Because of your ankle la."

Now at this moment, instead of feeling the kind of fuzzy feeling and touched from her reply, i felt angry instead. For goodness sake, i didnt even ask her to do that and she's sounding like she's so obliged to do it. I told her, with a hint of frustration, "No need la, who ask you to do that, seriously you can just go home."

After that, B told me i was being very ingrateful. But to me, i just felt...i dont need the sympathy that i thought A was "radiating". I just dont need the special attention can!?

I was so so annoyed and irritated that i uttered a dirty word under my breathe, which unfortunately, B heard it.

Suddenly, i really wanted the pain OUT of my ankle, i want to walk without the awful limping and climb the stairs without feeling breathless, and STOP sitting out for trainings. I just dont feel like waiting...

It was then, while i was doing some reflection of my own, that i felt really guilty, for shooting down my kind and thoughtful friend and for saying that dirty word. I think God wants me to learn something out of it. And im going to wait and see what He wants to tell me. And i really pray hard that some big big miracle could happen so that my ankle could twist back and be as good as new again.

Signing off,
Jo

After so long, here i am. Just got home from dinner. Its the FIRST time in so many many many years that my father brought us out to eat! I thought my mum was joking with me when she told me this after i got home from church. I hope he will bring us out often. Our family just dont have those kind of family day or family time etc. No display of affection for one another or greetings of birthday wishes or celebration of special occasions. We just dont have this culture.
Anyway...

I haven been blogging for a pretty long time not because nothing special or blog-worthy has yet to happen to me. On the contrary, alot did happen, something comparable to a roller coaster ride. Like immediately after my common tests, i have so much to blog about but i deleted that post. Thought the post was a little too "heavy", you know, with i'm-going-to-flunk-the-papers-badly kind of feeling..

And training resumed almost immediately even though we supposedly have 1 more day of break. Coach's words when i asked him whats the hurry, " You think i'm so kind to let your enjoy ah? Only 3 more weeks left!"
Fine.

Actually i have been thinking whether i should blog about this. As all know, the start of a new school year means new students coming in. For my CCA, we recruited more juniors than i expected. There are quite many of them. Around 11? And lately, we've also been discussing whether we should take part in the A Div Bball Tournament. Eventually, we decided to take part. Here's the problem the seniors face: only 12 are selected for the team to participate in the tournament. *Counting..* We have about 24 on the team. WONDERFUL.

Knowing this, i suddenly want OUT of the whole thing. Its enough that im in a competitive CCA and i HATE competition. Now, i will have to compete with the juniors. And coach have been drilling into our heads that the juniors have great potential blah blah. It just means many of us (seniors) might not get into the team.

Sorry for beating around the bush. Ok, so my point is.
I DONT WANT TO BE REPLACED. By them. We (seniors) were discussing about this, and many of us felt that its pretty unfair if they get to play just after weeks of joining us. BECAUSE, we were really the ones who kind of "held" the team together. Like the "forefathers". haa. We've been training so hard for 1 year plus and, really, we dont want it to go to waste. Some of my team-mates are already contemplating quiting as they felt it would be a waste of time to go training and not be selected in the end. Nvm. I should drop this subject.

There's training tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it anymore because coach would be using this few days to choose the 12. Not confident at all.

Oh, and I've almost taken back all my common tests papers this week. The results were astonishing!! Very unexpected judging the state i was in when i did my papers. Anyway, it wasnt me, but GOD. I prayed, mum prayed, cyn prayed and He answered. My eyes also popped out when i saw my marks. I just couldnt believe the results i got la. So, i owe it all to GOD! =) Praise Him. I think its the first time He's so real to me, like, He's the one who marked my papers. *Gasp*

I'm so happy................................

Signing off,
Jo

alright, i'm taking time off my studying schedule to do this post. but you can keep a secret i trust!


i won't deny that this week was absolutely hetic and horrid rubbish. still, i plan to makE this into a psalm format, where it begins all pensive and emo but ends positively.


well, i was pleasantly surprised at the devotion and the sermon topics. you see, my closest friends have been really nasty and hurtful to me all week. to avoid having more bitterness towards them, i shall not elaborate. but anyhow, it cut really deep into me, especially when they were all pre believers so i couldn't react negatively in case they question 'what kind of christian are you?'well, today the topic was about reconciling for the sermon and facing difficult times for the devotion booklet. i suppose i really have to start trusting god with this, for i have been feeling that lately, i have been influenced from all my pre believing friends(which means all but one actually.) also, i'm thinking of apologising to that friend of mine who hurled insults at me. i didn't react in the most postive manner, and even though i feel that it's not really my fault, i should still apologise. i just have to submit this hurt to the lord, as much as it pains me to do so.

secondly, i remember discussing with my best friend (she's a christian! thank god!) about how our lives had suddenly becoming so meaningless. alright, it's incredibly emo, i know. but try going through my week with a body that has 5-6 hours of sleep everyday and you'll comprehend. we promised each other that we would try our best and reconcile with god, for as everyone says, the end days are here, and i feel such intense fear even till now. obviously i'm not ready. well, both the sermon and the devotion talked about "teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom". it helped a bit, and i'm confident it'll help a lot more for the next week the more i keep it in my heart.


this would be a little off track, but lately something has been irking me lately. don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to accuse anyone here. recently many people have been ranting about their exciting love lives in my school.

'oh, did you hear? XXX got a boyfriend in our class!'

'YYY that prefect has A BOYFRIEND IN VS MAN"

'i'm meeting that shuai ge from XYZ school today! oh my *** he's so hot! i'm so happy!'

then again, let me clarify. i don't hate all these people. neither do i dislike hearing about that part of their lives for it's really quite interesting. they are my good friends even. but it just makes me rather annoyed to some extent for I'M BOMBARDED BY IT. jealously, envy, whatever you can choose to call it, for i'm not too sure myself. i mean even in a girls' school! oh gosh! I KNOW, I KNOW ALREADY. even if no one fancies me i'm fine, until i hear such things. not that it's the guys fault for falling for my sweet and attractive friends, but you get the point! what do you do when you date anyway. after all the movies, romantic walks and dinners, flaunting each other at family gatherings and chinese new year- you can't get married at this age. so i always tell myself-it's ok. now all i need is to focus on my studies and god. nothing else. still, i wish i could have a christian friend to help me throughout this in school. i'm getting rather disgusted with what my friends are doing now.


so, all in all, despite the fact that i'm clearly distressed, i'm still counting on god for guidance to become a happy snowman

HELLO PEOPLE! =)

OH! I'm so glad to see BRENDA's post. Its so nice! Especially the poem at the end. Definitely adding some colours to my so far lousy day. And Brenda, we do have some similarities there. I'm forever looking forward to recesses and the bell that indicates the end of the day, and needless to say, holidays (CNY!!). It is not freaky at all la. I love having something to be excited about. =)

Guys, i had a bad day today!! Totally sian about it. Nevermind. Promised i would elaborate more on my previous post. Again, they are from my school's vice principal.

Which way do you prefer to study? Try to figure out your learning style.

1) Silence VS music?
Do you prefer to study in a quiet place or cant do without music?
Its hard to find somewhere really quiet to study, especially in Singapore. Sometimes, even libraries can be irritatingly annoying, like those soft buzzing from constants vibrations of phones, or the music leaking out of someone's ear piece. Trust me, even that can be disturbing to some people.
However, silence helps people to concentrate and focus better. No distractions! Also, will be able to be more efficient and productive.

I cant believe why some people cant do without music when they study. Really, i cannot stand it. Its ok to listen to some songs, but definitely, not radio stations. My VP said, unknowingly, you will pay attention to what the DJ is saying instead of the work in front of you, and resume study when the songs are on, only, to listen to the DJ when he talks again. This is very distracting, and does no good especially when you are trying to drill some theories into your head.

2) Group or alone?
For me, i will just catch up on the latest gossip or news if i am studying in a group. VERY UNDESIRABLE. However, as my VP mentioned, for subjects like literature or Math, it is better to study in a group. Lit may requires you to read alot of books, and you may not have the time. It helps if one of them are assigned a book each and read up on it, then share about it. like summarised up the book, to the group on the following meeting, but that doesnt mean you dont have to read it yourself. VP did that in his university days during which he is required to read at least 40 books each term. Meeting in a group will help. For Math, yes, you might get the right answer, but the intermediate steps may be wrong or too long. People in the group can help to correct it or/and teach you faster methods to obtain the answers.

In a group, other than the occasional distractions, more work can be done, greater coverage and faster pace of understanding. Think, between having someone explaining to you and there to clarify your doubts with, and figuring it out on your own which takes ages sometimes and still not able to grasp the concept, which is faster?

Studying alone, better concentration, longer attention span, increased efficiency and productivity with the minimal distractions.

3) Morning lark or Night Owl?
Some people function better at night or in the morning. Early birds might have an advantage as they work better in the daytime, and it is the time when they are in school! Nocturnal creatures, can stay up till 4 or 5 am in the morning without feeling tired. Only when they go about their daytime activity do their tiredness sink in........... Zombies, my VP would say. (haha) This affects their sleep cycle. When people are sleeping, they work. They sleep when people are working.

It really depends on whether you are more "alive" at night or in the morning. But, for students, the suggested one would be to work in the morning since it wont make any sense to study into the wee hours and wake up 2 hours later to go to school. I did that once, during the End of year exams, Physics paper. I slept at 5 am and wake up at 6 am. HORRIBLE. Cant even think properly. Luckily, it was the last paper.

4) Short sprint VS long marathons?
Sprinters are people who take breaks every 45min to 1 hour of studying. This could work better as time is needed for the brain to consolidate and digest the information. Suddenly loading the brain with information may not be helpful. During the process when it is trying to sort out the information, it cant really register new ones. By stuffing yourself with information, you will tend to forget them faster. Though you may still remember the details, it would only be temporary.
Studying with breaks do looks good BUT, exams usually last for a few hours and there is no way you can rest in between.

People who go for long study marathons like 5-6 hours straight may find it harder to focus. Their mind would stray away, and it might get boring. Learning have to be fun in order to make an impression on you!
Try answering this question: Can you remember ONE particular lesson in Secondary school or Primary school? Just ONE.
Was it with someone you like? Was the lesson conducted outdoor? Was there any set-up or demonstrations? OR just a simple joke or something witty from the teacher?

See? If its just boring and mundane readings, your brain might not be triggered to stay attentive.

Still, marathons might prove to be effective and cover greater chapters. For e.g, i studied all the way till 5pm once i get home so that i can watch Yu Le Bai Fen Bai. That tv time can be a longer rest time compared to short breaks.

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Sometimes spending 4-5 days on a topic for a test may not bring you the results you expect to achieve. The amount of time spend on it is NOT equals to the results you get. Sounds unfair, but thats the truth. Aiya, speaking from experience one ok. From myself and from the people around me. Maybe something somewhere along the way has gone wrong. Could be that you memorise instead of understanding it etc.

Well, whatever the case, it is always good to find out what your learning style is. Not cramp all the information at the last minute. Never a solution for major exams. Thus, its better to "experiment" now, than later.

Going to watch Coach Carter now =) BYE!

Signing off,
Jo

Finally found time to blog. Finally, all my tests for this week are over!!! It has been a very busy and hectic week for me. =)

On Tuesday's assembly, our vice principal, again, never never fail to surprise us. He's really a weird, but a humourous guy. His talks are almost always motivational talks. Want to share with your what he shared with us on Tuesday.

He told us that we can actually learn quite alot from sports and apply it on our studies. Like the 2006 World Cup.
1. David Beckham cant score when he dehydrates and vomited. *ugh*

How can you perform well in your studies without good health?



2. What matters is a goal, reach for it. Can you imagine football without a goal?

Same goes for results, setting targets can motivate you to do better. REALISTIC targets, please.

3. Nothing comes without sacrifice.
Blood, injuries, dislocation, sprained ankle etc.

My VP once said the difference between students from prestigious institutes and neighbourhood schools is that they are willing to sacrifice to get what they want.

4. Do your homework.
Do you know that Germany actually studies every single penalty kicks from Argentina by watching through EVERY videos?
And the person who did his homework scored the penalty kick.


5. You are the one playing, not the supporters.

After all, who is taking the exams?



6. Fight to the very end!

Italy scored a goal in the very last minute!







(Taken from Dennis Yeo @ PJC)

He also taught us to identify what type of group we belong to so can we can identify our learning style.
Silence VS music?
Home VS outside?
Morning lark VS Night owl?
Short sprint VS long marathons?

Will elaborate more when i have time. =)

Signing off,
Joanne (always 17!)

Our school have been having this Project Agape for the past few days. It is a project initiated by our students to help with the limited supply of blood in the blood bank. 2 doctors came down from NUH to help us. Apparently, they were expecting a big crowd. But, there were only 75 bags of blood...and 20 plus people were turned down because of various reasons, low blood count etc.

Yesterday, our vice principal threw us some questions.

"What have you done for the last 8 weeks? To this, the last 8 weeks meant the holidays which were just over.

Next, "What will you do in the next 8 months?"

"Where will you be in 8 years time?"

I didnt attempt to answer the questions because i wanted to see what he had to say to us. Erm, more like I just didnt feel like answering them, because 1) I did not revise my work in the holidays except completing the homework given, 2) What else can i do except to mug and mug and mug, 3) This is the toughest question, as i had absolutely no clue where to start with.

And this is what my vice principal had to say, " What you did or did not do for the past 8 weeks will affect your next 8 months..."

!!!

He went on, " and what you do or do not in the next 8 months will affect where you will be in the next 8 years."

Oh my gosh, i practically broke out in cold sweat. The way he put it is so scary, yet motivating. I mean the past 8 weeks is already over, and there's nothing i can do about it. Except to chiong like mad till my A's are over.

" No sacrifices, no victory."- Quoted from Transformers. Lesser Yu Le Bai Fen Bai time. Lesser Playtime. The time we have left to study is inversely proportionate to the time we use to play. Dont that make sense?

And he also went through with us some skills and habits that we ought to have, which i feel is also very applicable to you girls.

1. Be portable - Bring your notes everywhere, so that no time is wasted between journeys of travelling. DO SOMETHING ANYTIME ANYWHERE.
2. Do hateful stuff first - We cant always choose to do what we like but we can always choose to like what we do.
3. Review your work after it's marked.
4. Know what is expected of you.
5. Participate actively in class - We learn only if we are involved.
6. Be aware of your own learning style - This is the most important thing, I am still trying to figure out which is mine. Best time? Best place? how do you study best?
7. Get your teachers on your side - I'm not asking you to suck up to your teachers...just maybe be nice, help them with their books and stuff, haa
8. BUILD FRIENDSHIPS, NOT RELATIONSHIPS.

Ok, that's it. The list is inexhuastive. I'm off to hit the books now. Ciao.

Signing off,
Joanne (always 17!)

When I hear someone comment that being a mother and homemaker is boring, I have a simple response: You’re right!

The truth is, almost any occupation – telephone operator, pathologist, lawyer or dentist – requires long hours of tedious activity. Few of us enjoy heart-thumping excitement every moment of our professional lives.

I once stayed in a hotel room next to the room of a famous cellist who was performing in a classical concert that evening.

I could hear him through the walls as he practiced for hours. He didn’t play beautiful symphonic renditions – he repeated scales and exercise, over and over. He began early in the morning and continued until it was time to go on stage.

As he stepped onto the stage that night, I’m sure many in the audience thought to themselves:” What a glamorous life he must lead!”

Some glamour! I happen to know how he had spent the entire day in his lonely hotel room with his cello.

I doubt that being a mother and homemaker is more boring than most other jobs. As for the importance of the assignment, I believe that no job can compete with the satisfaction of moulding & guiding a child.
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Cynthia: Do you like what you're doing (E.g. working, attending CCAs, studying, Basketball training, reading Psalms, attend cell group, go SOL etc etc)? Yes/No/Not Really? If No/Not Really.... Do you then know why you're still doing what you're doing? WITH THE END IN MIND, things could sometimes be much clearer & makes more sense.
Studying - Teaching us to use our brains & equipping us with knowledge
Working - To earn a living & provide for our families & a kick start in our career life
All things related to church - To help us know God & develop a real relationship with Him. Knowing how much He loves us & the destiny He has in mind for us!

Luv Cynthia

From today onwards, i'm officially a year 2. Gosh.

Its me again. I think i'm starting to love doing this blog thing =D

School is starting tomorrow. I can already picture myself dragging myself up each EARLY EARLY morning, ringing up teachers for consultations, dark rings circling my eyes, endless tutorials and lecture notes to study up and trying to catch up with my classmates. *SIGH* Oh, this year is the A levels year too. *GROANS AND MOANS* Only one thing is looking up. I went back to school the other day and i notice there are new stall vendors! foooood!

I think i'm having one of those first-day-of-school-anxiety symptoms. Yes, i've been through this every new year. But the previous year and this year is a bit different. No. Very different. Ever since i got into this school, it just felt so difficult to even go to school and face my classmates. And yes, it has been a year now, but i'm still adapting, especially to the people around me.

My wonderful classmates always ask me out, i would always turn down their offer or make up some lame excuses that i would not be free ( i hope none of them read this). I mean, i'm ok with being with them, but i can't stand being with them even outside school. Not that they are mean or what, they are great. The problem just lies with me. Sometimes, it is just harder to find friends we are comfortable with. Especially godly friends. So for some of us, let's not give up.

I've have always felt there is something wrong with me. The older i am, the harder is it for me to make friends. I mean, seriously, some of them are still doing fine. A friend told me " Put me in somewhere new and i'll know at least half the people in there before the day end" when i asked her for advice. I really envy her. Whenever, i meet new people (especially people my age), i thought i can feel them scrutinizing me, like how i wear, how i behave etc etc. I would rather not go near them.



It was really hard for me to accept the fact that i got into this school. All my good friends are in another place. I believed that God put me there a reason. For the first few months, i can feel myself clinging on to God. Tightly. I would pray before i go to school. That everything would go well, that i wouldnt embarrass myself, that there would be lesser notes so that i can have time to revise them. And i can feel myself growing closer to Him.



Unknowingly, i start to really despise going to school. So much so that even passing by that MRT station would make me nausea. haa. Finally, the year ended and I was so happy. But not for long la. Oh, and i slacked so much during this holiday. Supposed to be revising.


Recently, during a sermon, Pastor Khong ( i forgot who) said something like, God will change, not by doing away with going to school, but by changing us, e.g love school. I decided to start this year LOVING it for a change. It'll be hard, but God will help.





Really, i should be sleeping now.

Signing off,
Joanne ( always 17!)

I was allow to blog anything i want.

And this is my first time trying to post something on a blog ! *loud cheerings* I was hoping it could help me to improve my English, because i know PRIS will always correct me if i made any grammatical mistakes. =P

I woke up very early in the morning, around 7.15 (to me, it is VERY early) and it was just so hard to even drag myself across the room. Today is New Year's Eve, i should be enjoying myself, sleeping in and waking up only in the late afternoons, or just stone in front of the TV.

All because i love the game so much. It is New Year's Eve, and we still have basketball training. I had already miss so many sessions before, so even if i'm so tempted to go back to sleep again, i cant do that.

I was actually kind of looking forward to it. Just in case your didnt know, i had to say i really s**k on the court =( Like i am such a slow slow slow learner. But just a few weeks back, a friend very painstakingly taught me how to lay-up the RIGHT way, (which by the way lay-up is the most basic skill). With all the footing, the hand and all.

So today, i was hoping i can apply it properly. Unfortunately, i forgot how, well, not really forgot, but i just cannot get it right. Not only that, I also cant seem to do anything right today. Even simple things like passing!



This made me very frustrated and angry with myself. Suddenly i just felt so disappointed.



And all those thoughts about quiting and giving up kept coming to me. I just felt so useless.
I went home feeling so lousy about myself.

After that, I ate some otah and beef for lunch, and i'm ok again! =)

Anyway, i thought about it. Its like I almost always felt this way after trainings that doesnt go so well so i'll get over it soon
Let's smile! =)




Signing off,
Joanne (always 17!)